What to say when a friend is depressed or struggling
There is no script that fixes this, and you don't need to. What you do need is to stay, gently. Below are replies that don't try to solve it.
The two things most depressed people don't want: advice they didn't ask for, and big emotional reactions that make them feel like they have to comfort you. Stay steady. Stay close.
If they mention anything about not wanting to be here, take it seriously — but don't panic-text the question 'are you safe?' in a way that makes them backpedal. Ask plainly, sit with the answer, and keep them connected to support.
Reply options you can copy
Tap copy, then paste into your chat.
Thank you for telling me. That takes a lot. I'm so sorry it's been like this. Want to talk about what it feels like, or do you just need company?
I hear you. I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to perform okay with me.
I'm so sorry you're carrying this. Can I come over this weekend? We don't have to do anything — I can just be there while you do nothing.
I'm really glad you told me. I want to ask directly — are you having thoughts of hurting yourself? Whatever the answer is, I'm here. We can figure out next steps together.
I love you and I'm staying. Have you been able to talk to anyone professional about this? No pressure, just want to know how much weight you're carrying alone.
Or tune one to your exact message
Common questions
Should I tell them to see a therapist?
Not as the first reply. Lead with presence. Once they feel heard, gently asking 'is there anyone else you're talking to about this?' is a much warmer way in.
What if I'm scared they're not safe?
Ask directly and calmly. 'Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself?' Asking does not plant the idea — research is clear on that. If yes, stay with them and help them connect to support (a hotline, a therapist, a hospital if needed).
What if I don't know what to say?
Say that. 'I don't have the right words, but I'm here and I'm not going anywhere' is one of the best replies you can send.